Monday, December 10, 2012

Thief in the Midnight

It has come to my attention that there is a thief in our midst.

Someone has stolen my name.

Someone with no creative talent of their own has taken the sacred name of "Midnight Porkchop" and is using it for their own nefarious albeit insanely dumb purposes.

I encourage all of you not to indulge in their wicked ways!  If you see Midnight Porkchop on google, unless it is under blogspot it is not me!

Do no click their link and give them the satisfaction that they have viewers on their page.

Cuz they don't.

They are traitors and must be punished.

I will not stand for it.  WE will not stand for it.

We must take up arms against our foe and crush him until his soul bleeds into puddles on the floor and we laugh maniacally as his life slowly escapes from his body and he breathes his last.

FOR PORKCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Hey errrrbody!

So I have been fortunate enough to be a featured blogger on my friend Sarah Willats' blog "Life in Transition!" She's collaborating with a bunch of writers/artists to blog about their lives five years ago.  It's pretty awesome and definitely worth reading!

You can read my post and many more from other talented writers here.

Don't forget to leave a comment! =D

Really.  If you don't I will track you down.  I will find you.

And I will just just annoy the heck outta you until you write a "cool" and share it via Facebook and like your own status.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Enigma

So there was this chick who went on the Spain trip with us.  Let's just call her Harmony Sunflower.

She's what my friend Sara and I have dubbed a hippiecrite.

And she is all that's wrong with the world.

I've got nothing against hippies.  I really don't.  I think we can all learn a few things from our hemp-smoking friends.

But there's a point where you repeat the same thing fifty billion times in broken Spanish and English and then completely contradict everything you say with your actions that kind of makes me want to stab you in the face with a rusty spear.



This is the story of Harmony Sunflower.




                                                          (Me with a haircut)
















I wish I could say that she didn't actually say this.  But she did.  And it.  Was.  Hilarious.






Sunday, August 26, 2012

This is what happens when I'm on meds.

Okay soooo it's been two months since that tiny little doodad of an update and just about one month since I've been back in the States.

Aaaaand I haven't drawn any new blog posts yet. 

0_O

I'm gonna try to work on one tonight, I solemnly swear!

Cross my heart and hope to die---

*HERK*

*dead*

Ooooooooh this is Patty's ghoooooooooost!  Patty can't come to the blog right now cuz she be dead yo!

OooooooOOOOOOoooooooh!

She'll write a new blog about Spain as soon as she caaaaaaan but she's been busy with work and school and being sick oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

So just hold your horseeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

Okay I'm going to resuscitate her noooooooooooooooooooow!

*CPR*

*LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!*

Aaaack!  I'm back!! And going to draw a picture ASAP!

Okay off to the races!

Adios por ahora!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It's España, My Main Maña.

Hello, everyone!  Or should I say, "Hola!"

I'm in Spain!  What what!

I'm on a study abroad in Santander in the north of Spain until the end of July.  It's pretty sweet.

Oh, how sweet, you ask?

Well, this is the view from my room.


Is that the beach right there? Um yeah, I think it is.

Suck on that, fellas!

Hahaha But anyway I have been drawing a comic but my computer decided to be evil last night when I was finishing the last frame and DELETED IT so I have to draw that part all over again! Gah!  But it should be up soon!  And I will post some stuff about the crazy people here too later.  This upcoming one is work-related.

The next one shall be pleasure-related. ;D

(Not really.)

(At least, not in the sexual way.)

(Yeah.)

Okay adios por ahora!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sunday, May 13, 2012

Hardly Working

It can get slightly boring when you're working a closing shift at the store and there are no customers for the last hour and a half and you've already folded and cleaned everything within the five-square-foot radius surrounding the register.


One takes it upon oneself to amuse. . .oneself.


And this is how my oneself accomplished amusement:


By drawing random pictures on the back of email slips.








I like giraffes.












I like robots too.









This is what I would look like if I were anime.


 







My place of work.

 




They're holding hands.   GET IT?!


Thursday, April 26, 2012

It's the Final Countdown! BUH NA NA NA!


Hey, Self!  Oh, you don't look too well.


Mmmmrrrffffkkkffraarrrkkff. . .


Sorry, didn't catch that.


Kill. . .me. . .


Um, seeing as you're me, that would be counter-intuitive, Patty.


Please. . .


Are finals really that bad?












. . . . . .















***SAMURAI SWORD IN THE FACE!***



*DEAD.*



Huh.  I wonder if she realized finals were over today.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Man-Beast-Dog.

 The following is an actual conversation that occurred between Teresa and Will around the night of December 8, 2010.




[[HUUAARRGHUGHHHH!!!!]]

T: "...what the f@$# was that??"

W: "That noise? It was a dog."

T: "No way in hell that was a dog..."

[[HUUAARRGHUGHHHH!!!!]]

T: "There it is again!!!"

W: "It's a dog..."

T: "It's NOT a dog! It sounds like a guy throwing up or something."

W: "It has to be a dog."

T: "Why do you think it *has* to be a dog?"

[[Huuaarrghughhh. HUUAARRGHUGHHHH!!!!]]

T: "That totally sounds like a guy throwing up."

W: "It's a dog!"

T: "Why do you think that??"

W: "It has to be a dog. What *other* beast would make a noise like that?"

T: "A man. A man-beast. A man-beast would make that noise."

W: "..."

T: "I feel like this conversation is something that would happen in a blog. Not in real life. Like, you'd read about this conversation we just had online somewhere, and say it was funny, but say there's no way in hell that it actually happened like that. But it totally did."

[[HUUAARRGHUGHHHH!!!!]]

T: "...There's no way that's a dog."

W: "It's a dog."

[[HUUAARRGHUGHHHH!!!!]]

T: "...I have to tell Patty about this."



And now it is a conversation that happened in a blog but in real life thinking it was inside a blog within a blog inside a dream inside a dream inside the Matrix inside a dream.

INCEPTION BLOG.


Saturday, March 17, 2012

St. Patrick's Day: A Rant

It's Saint Patrick's Day, and people should be celebrating with green beer, Shepherd's pie, step-dancing, and massive hangovers.

This holiday is awesome, and being Catholic and being named after St. Patrick, it used to involve my grandparents sending me money every year.

Relative: You have a name!  And that name happens to sound somewhat like the patron saint of Ireland!  Here's five bucks.

Me:  Thanks, Grandma!

But there's one thing that really corns my beef.  The shortening of the name of the holiday.

Listen here, you awful spellers of the world:  It is Saint PaDDy's Day, not Patty's Day.

Paddy is the male nickname for Patrick.  Patty is my name.  Last time I checked, I am not a dude.  Hold on.  (*Checks*)  Nope.  Still not a dude.

So please.  Stop spelling the holiday wrong.  Once I am Supreme Overlord of the World, I will have my own holiday that will be PaTTy's Day, and it will not be associated with this majestic Irish holiday.  Even though St. Patrick was actually Italian.  Or Welsh.  Or something.

*Cue rainbow* The more you know!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Shut Up, Delilah.


Make no mistake, everyone.  You read that title right.  Delilah.  I didn’t mean Shellie (Shelilah). Although Shellie does need to shut up. I mean, just look at her face.


                                                                God, just shut up already. 



Anyway, this is the story of a horrible radio talk show. And a horrible radio talk show host. Delilah.

She’s got one of those would-be soothing voices if she didn’t make your cheeks clench just by saying the word "hello."  She comes on at exactly 7:00pm every night.  I know it is exactly 7:00 pm because she likes to interrupt the only time they play decent music with her annoying theme song that consists solely of her name being sung with chimes by a very effeminate man from 1983.






The point of her show is to fill the airwaves with sappy stories and reminders to eat at Olive Garden and drink Earl Grey that otherwise would be filled with decent radio.

One of her favorite pastimes, especially during the holidays, is to take callers who have a really loving or tragic story to share with the city. Now, this is okay. I mean, it’s not exactly my cup of ginseng-infused herbal tea, but I respect these people and their experiences. But Delilah. . . She. . .ahem. . .




These poor people are bearing their souls to this woman. I mean, come on!

And this is why every time her stupid yoga-voice comes on el radio, Shellie and I have the same reaction:



 If only she would listen.